From Beginning to End

9 x 9

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Sometimes when I paint, I will have a rather clear picture of what I would desire the finished product to be. Often, once I put the brush to wood, it goes an entirely different direction than I had intended. This is one of those paintings. The color scheme I had envisioned was different and the overall composition was not exactly as I had planned. I almost gave up in the middle of this painting because it wasn't heading in the direction I had intended. It was taking much longer than I had anticipated, and I was tempted to abandon it. It felt as if I was making one "mistake" after another. Something in me though said to keep going, so I continued to paint and lay colors over the "mistakes" in an effort to make it "beautiful". As I continued to paint over the parts that were not desirable, an interesting texture developed and the "mistakes" in color and composition actually began to add character and interest to the painting.

As I finished this painting, Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind. When you look at this painting, you only see the finished product. But underneath the image are layers upon layers of mistakes and changes. You cannot "fathom" what was done from beginning to end. My walk with Christ has been so similar to the process I went through in this painting.

Daily, I ask God to make me into a more Christlike person, to free me from the sinful patterns that I see in my life, but I seem to want the finished product right away. I don't desire the layers of change and the pain that often comes along with it. At times, I lose heart when I see that I am not turning out quite as I had envisioned. The image I had in my mind of a strong mature christian is often not what I am seeing painted on the canvas of my life. "Did I take a wrong turn somewhere in this christian experience? Where is the painting that I envisioned?" I ask Him. Thankfully, he whispers, "No, you did not take a wrong turn. You are exactly where I want you." He reminds me that those mistakes and failures that I lose heart over are actually the very things that he is using to draw me closer to him. The very thing I have feared the most, facing my weaknesses and failures, is actually the very thing he has used to remind me that apart from him I can do nothing.

At times, I'll begin to see victory in areas of my life, only to see those old sinful patterns emerge again. "This is too hard" , I think, "why don't I just abandon ship and put down this paintbrush? This is not worth the fight." What I seem to hear God saying is that the very thing I want to run from, the fight or the battle, is exactly what he is using to mold me into his likeness. I want the finished product, not the battle. I lose sight of what God is "doing from beginning to end" and only see the circumstances in front of me. He reminds me over and over, that my weaknesses and failures and the battle to overcome those are the things from which we learn the most and from which we gain the most wisdom. They are the layers upon layers of paint that build into something interesting and full of life and character.

As I fall short daily, I see so clearly that I am truly hopeless without Him, and through that humbling revelation, He gradually molds me and changes my heart, making me more "beautiful". It is not beauty as the world defines it, but beauty as God defines it. Although, I cannot fathom what God is doing from the beginning to the end of my life, I know that with every layer of change, and every layer of paint he applies to my life, His hand will be molding me, making me more "beautiful," more like his Son. But it will be in his time, not mine. "He has made everything beautiful in its time."