Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Zinnias from Mom

16 x 16Romans 12:4-6 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ, we who are many form one body and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.

My mother lives next door to me in the home in which I grew up. She has a beautiful garden, in which, every summer, she grows different varieties of zinnias. My mother inherited my grandmother's love for flowers, and she is very talented at arranging them.
When I was a child, she often placed small arrangements of dafodils or camelias from the yard in small vases on my nightstand. I probably rarely thanked her for those flowers, but they always let me know she was thinking of me. Recently, when one of my children was ill, and I had been homebound for longer than I desired, she stopped by with a beautiful vase of zinnias. While the children napped, I painted the beautiful arrangement that she had put together. While I painted her kind gift, I thought of her and the ways she encouraged me growing up.
Since I can remember, I have always loved a creative project. My mom used to take me to buy acrylic boxes and paint pens so that I could make gifts for friends and family. I found one of them, recently, which my mom had saved all these years, a mothers day gift, I believe. I remember being so proud of that acrylic box and thinking that it was quite cute, but when I recently found it, I was shocked that it was actually rather plain and not really very cute at all. My mother made me feel like it was a masterpiece, though, so I was convinced that it was.
There has always been something in me that has desired to create. My mother recognized that desire in me and encouraged that desire in so many ways. She taught me to sew and needlepoint and always provided the supplies for me when I set out on a new venture. She seemed to know the directions in which to push me that would encourage my passions. When applying for colleges, she begged me to look at small liberal arts schools, so like a typical 17 year old, I applied only to two large state schools. Since I chose the University of Georgia, she suggested that I, at least, major in journalism and minor in art, so I decided to listen and started out in those schools.
Shortly afterwards, though, I switched my major to, of all things not suited for me, risk management and insurance, because I thought I could land a more steady job upon exiting college. My mother encouraged me not to change it, but of course, I refused to listen and graduated from the risk management and insurance program of the UGA business school and gave up four years of painting and writing. Ugh. It is painful to even type that. While in college and thereafter, I still attempted to teach myself how to paint from books and wrote in personal journals whenever I could find the time.
Several years after graduating from college, my mom encouraged me to take some art classes at the local college. Together, we took an oil painting class, and have painted together on and off throughout the last several years. I have often taken breaks from it because of the demands of young children, but my mother has always encouraged me to return to it. I am so thankful for her influence in that. She had a knack for knowing the things I had a passion for and for pushing me towards the things that she knew would bring me joy.
I chose the scripture above for this painting because God gives us each gifts that are meant to build up and encourage the body of Christ, the church, as we call it. If we are part of the body of Christ, each of us belongs to God and to the other members of the body, so that other members of the body can be built up by our gifts. My mother encouraged the gifts she saw in me, which in turn, I pray he will use to build up the body of Christ and encourage others.
My prayer is that God would give me direction and wisdom when guiding my own children towards their God given talents and purposes, not so that I can feel like a successful parent or my children can overflow with self esteem, but so that they would find their passions and purposes and use those things to build up the body of Christ. Our gifts are not for us but for the other members of the body.
I am thankful that my mother has encouraged me to perservere. It is truly a gift to have a mother that encourages their children in their passions and gifts. My mother is a gifted artist, and I am thankful for the bond that we share through painting together. Praise God for mothers and for His gifts.
Mom, thank you for the zinnias and, most of all, for your encouragement. Keep painting. I love you.

Friday, July 23, 2010

And He will lift you up

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Often, while I am preparing dinner, my husband takes our three girls outside to the driveway to ride bikes and play basketball. Our youngest daughter, Jordan, thinks it is great fun to be lifted up by her daddy to hang on the basketball rim. One afternoon, before my husband arrived home from work, I took the girls outside to play. Jordan, age two, stood at the bottom of the basketball goal, stretching her arms up in a futile attempt to hang on the rim. Over and over, she jumped as hard as she could. She crouched down as low as she could, then propelled herself upward in an attempt to reach the goal. Her little feet never left the ground, but she remained convinced that she could reach that goal by herself. She carried on this way for several minutes, until my husband pulled into the driveway, walked over to her, and lifted her up with ease so that she could hang on the rim. She squealed with delight as her lifted her up and laughed hysterically while her daddy held her up to hang on the rim.
As I observed my daughter's actions, I saw a picture of myself in my relationship with God. Most of my life, I believed that if I just worked hard enough at anything, then I could achieve what I had set out to do. If I wanted to make good grades, then I studied hard to reach my goals. If I wanted to be a good tennis player, then I practiced a lot so that I could succeed. "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." And that is a great lesson when it comes to earthly principles. Unfortunately, though, when it comes to God saving us and changing our hearts, this principle no longer applies.
In my early twenties, when I began to seek God and study his word, I would certainly have told you that I was a Christian. After all, I was pretty good. I did nice things for people and believed that God made the world and that Jesus was a real person who walked this earth. But I had never visited the cross myself. Although I had heard the gospel many times, I did not understand what it truly meant to be a christian. I had never confronted the depth of my own sin and the darkness in my own heart. Therefore, I really had no need for a savior.
When the Holy Spirit began to confront me with my own sin, it was painful. Over time though, I learned that I would no more find salvation as a result of my own efforts and goodness, than my two year old would jump up and reach that basketball goal on her own. I would only find salvation through God allowing me to see the fallen nature of my own heart, and humbling myself by recognizing that only through the sacrifice of Christ could I be lifted up into God's kingdom and made a new creation.
The same principles have applied to the process of God sanctifying me and molding me into his likeness. He reminds me daily that only He can mold my heart and make me more like Christ. I did not save myself by my efforts, and I will not change myself by those efforts. In actuality, the more I strive to be better, the farther I will move away from God. I only see change when I humble myself under God's mighty hand, so that He can then take that same hand and lift me up in his palm. True change has only come from seeing how far I fall from his standards of holiness, forcing me to cling to him and depend on him more. If my two year old daughter had an accurate understanding of how far she really was from the rim of that goal, she would cease striving and depend solely on her father to lift her up. I am called to do the same.
That has been the "good news" in my life, that my heart is desperately sinful apart from Christ, but through God revealing that to me and humbling myself before him, He and only He is able to lift me up. It did not feel like "good news" in the beginning, because, like my two year old, the phrase, "I can do it all by myself," goes through my mind constantly, and the process of humbling myself was and still is painful and scary, but the ride up to that rim in the palm of his hand is filled with joy and delight, and there is incredible joy in hanging out there. I cannot hang on by myself, so I must trust him to hold me there. When I cease trusting and start striving, I tend to focus more on the weight of my own sin pulling me down than his hand lifting me up. I sink back down into old ways and habits, and forget the joy that is at the top, but He is always faithful, when I humble myself and ask him, to lift me back up in the palm of his hand. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Walking in the Truth


3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

A few months ago, I "commissioned" my four year old daughter, Virginia, to paint a picture of a church for me. She picked up her paintbrush and painted a small rectangle with a cross on top and then placed different splats of color all around the little church she had created. When I asked her what the splats of color were, she replied, "Those are the footprints of all the people coming to church." Then she looked at me, rather indignantly, to let me know that I should certainly have known that without having to ask.
The painting above was a commission done for a loving young mother of two girls whose desire was to incorporate her children's footprints and the verse, 3 John 1:4 into a painting for her girl's room. When she presented the idea to me, Virginia's painting immediately came to mind. Inspired by my four year old's painting, I painted a church and the children's footprints walking toward the church to represent that this young mother will "hear of [her] children walking in the truth." I pray that every step of their lives would draw these young girls closer and closer to our loving God.

Pictured below is the real masterpiece signed by my sweet Virginia.


Monday, July 12, 2010

Time Out Chair

12 x 24Hebrews 12:5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as a son."

This is a painting of my children's time out chair. I could not bring myself to sell this one, so I hung it in front of the time out chair that sits in our hallway so that my girls will have a visual reminder that our discipline of them is about love.
One of my children, in particular, has a tendency to "lose heart" when she is confronted with discipline. Like most of us, she has trouble facing her failures and weaknesses and has a desire to get things right. Her first response is to deny and make excuses. Then, she moves into a place of anger toward herself , and eventually, after she moves through her self pity, she can bring herself to apologize. It makes me so sad when I see her that way, because I know in my heart that the discipline is for her good. My desire is to teach her, train her, and protect her from her own folly, but she becomes so focused on her failure that she loses sight of the fact that the discipline is for her good.
I have often responded the same way when I have been faced with discipline from my heavenly Father. When I use the word discipline, I am not implying that God sends tragic things in our lives to discipline us. When I speak of discipline, I am speaking of God bringing conviction of sin in my life. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that our hearts are deceitful above all things and beyond cure. David says to the Lord in Psalm 16:2, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Although there is something in me that inherently wants to believe that my heart is good apart from Christ, the bible tells me the exact opposite.
It was God, in his love, revealing to me the dark condition of my own heart that drove me to the cross at salvation, and it is, now, his continued discipline that keeps me at the foot of the cross daily. I have numerous blind spots, sinful patterns that I am not aware of, and when God sheds light on those and begins to reveal them to me, it is certainly painful.
Like my young daughter, I have often lost heart when my loving Father has disciplined me. I have to believe the reason He tells us in Hebrews not to "lose heart" is that he knows of our tendency to do so. In those moments, where I feel crushed under the weight of my own sins and weaknesses, the holy spirit gently reminds me of God's words in Hebrews 12: "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, that we share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."
He lovingly reminds me that the discipline is for my good, but it is not for my glory. He disciplines me so that my life would bring glory to the God of the universe, by loving others more like Christ would love them. His desire is that I would share in His holiness and show the love of Christ to those he puts in my path.
Often, I have prayed for God to work in my children's lives, and instead of God changing them, He brings discipline in my own life, to change my heart so that I can love them in a more Christlike way. God always works in ways that I do not expect, and following Him is never as easy as I imagine that it will be, but I am so thankful that he loves my children and I enough to discipline me for my good and for his glory, so that my children and others would feel the love of Christ flow through me.
Father, strengthen my feeble arms and week knees when you discipline me. Make level paths for my feet so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Let my children and I stay focused on the truth that your discipline is proof that you love us and that we are your children. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Note: The time out chair in the picture above is simply a symbol of discipline. It is not a commentary on what I believe to be the right or wrong forms of discipline.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

From Beginning to End


9 x 9
Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Sometimes when I paint, I will have a rather clear picture of what I would desire the finished product to be. Often, once I put the brush to wood, it goes an entirely different direction than I had intended. This is one of those paintings. The color scheme I had envisioned was different and the overall composition was not exactly as I had planned. I almost gave up in the middle of this painting because it wasn't heading in the direction I had intended. It was taking much longer than I had anticipated, and I was tempted to abandon it. It felt as if I was making one "mistake" after another. Something in me though said to keep going, so I continued to paint and lay colors over the "mistakes" in an effort to make it "beautiful". As I continued to paint over the parts that were not desirable, an interesting texture developed and the "mistakes" in color and composition actually began to add character and interest to the painting.
As I finished this painting, Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind. When you look at this painting, you only see the finished product. But underneath the image are layers upon layers of mistakes and changes. You cannot "fathom" what was done from beginning to end. My walk with Christ has been so similar to the process I went through in this painting.
Daily, I ask God to make me into a more Christlike person, to free me from the sinful patterns that I see in my life, but I seem to want the finished product right away. I don't desire the layers of change and the pain that often comes along with it. At times, I lose heart when I see that I am not turning out quite as I had envisioned. The image I had in my mind of a strong mature christian is often not what I am seeing painted on the canvas of my life. "Did I take a wrong turn somewhere in this christian experience? Where is the painting that I envisioned?" I ask Him. Thankfully, he whispers, "No, you did not take a wrong turn. You are exactly where I want you." He reminds me that those mistakes and failures that I lose heart over are actually the very things that he is using to draw me closer to him. The very thing I have feared the most, facing my weaknesses and failures, is actually the very thing he has used to remind me that apart from him I can do nothing.
At times, I'll begin to see victory in areas of my life, only to see those old sinful patterns emerge again. "This is too hard" , I think, "why don't I just abandon ship and put down this paintbrush? This is not worth the fight." What I seem to hear God saying is that the very thing I want to run from, the fight or the battle, is exactly what he is using to mold me into his likeness. I want the finished product, not the battle. I lose sight of what God is "doing from beginning to end" and only see the circumstances in front of me. He reminds me over and over, that my weaknesses and failures and the battle to overcome those are the things from which we learn the most and from which we gain the most wisdom. They are the layers upon layers of paint that build into something interesting and full of life and character.
As I fall short daily, I see so clearly that I am truly hopeless without Him, and through that humbling revelation, He gradually molds me and changes my heart, making me more "beautiful". It is not beauty as the world defines it, but beauty as God defines it. Although, I cannot fathom what God is doing from the beginning to the end of my life, I know that with every layer of change, and every layer of paint he applies to my life, His hand will be molding me, making me more "beautiful," more like his Son. But it will be in his time, not mine. "He has made everything beautiful in its time."


Monday, July 5, 2010

Freedom

9 x 9
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.